Nil Nil Sept. 1, 2006

In the midnight game of football in the garden, not a single goal was scored, whilst several players came in black and blue from the ball hitting them in various places.

Ullswater 0 Kirkby Stephen 5 Sept. 2, 2006

I hope the Outdoor Swimming Association’s inaugural swim (in our Windermere) was a good one. It poured. I was busy photographing Ullswater United (0) v Carvetti Kirkby Stephen (5) with my underwater camera. In the 2nd midnight game of football in the garden, again not a goal was scored, whilst all the players came in black and blue from the ball hitting them in various places. It was probably an exercise in male-bonding rather than proper foot-ball.
Postscript : a woman from the south of the County won the Windermere swim (over 10 miles) against wind and rain and waves, by more than 16 minutes from the second competitor : a man. All this in their swimsuits, with barely a scent of media coverage.

Match abandoned Sept. 3, 2006

The open-aired swimming pools East of Cumbria’s Eden are set to close, today being the last chance for a dip, bomb, splash, race, a running around with almost nothing on feeling like you are in your prime and not in your autumn.
In the 3rd (and final – for now) midnight game of football in the garden, the match was abandoned when one of the players absolutely scythed into a badger digging up the corner triangle by the river. The imminent national badger cull does not mention football as a means of execution.

Monday morning Sept. 4, 2006

Do you ever wake up on a Monday and think “today is the day… I am going to take life by the scruff of the neck” ?

Rain Sept. 5, 2006

After a whole weekend of almost incessant rain, the Lake levels are now up on their normal, here in The Lake District. Ullswater is unusually cold to swim in, for this time of year, having been its hottest ever, only a month ago.

Brake, swerve, or kill? Sept. 6, 2006

Driving alongside Windermere, the car headlights catch sight of a badger sat there in the middle of the road, preening or stage-struck. I am going 80 kph on the bend. I have to decide whether to brake, swerve or KILL. Swerving could cost me my life. But I could not kill a badger, in this way, even if a cull is imminent and this very same badger is to be culled and heaped into a bin bag in the weeks to come. We can’t go disregarding or cheapening their lives. I stop within a whisker of the beautiful beast. Having overtaken a car a thirty seconds before, I knew it would now come ploughing round the corner and into the badger if it stays there. I put on the flashing-lights, blocking any other car’s route to the badger. The badger simply can’t be taken out in this way, under the wheels of some car, even if that cull is imminent. The car might plough into me mind. Fortunately, the badger moves just in time and off into the undergrowth… I hit the accelerator, wheels spinning, and on, away… on the radio, Northern Ireland fall further behind to Spain, having already trailed 1–0.

And yet there IS to be a happy ending for Northern Ireland : they WILL be singing and dancing in the streets of Belfast, tonight, and “Sweet Caroline” will have never felt so good. Life there tonight must again, and now, or possibly for the first time feel valuable and special and ‘meant to be’. Indeed : so good, so good, so good.

Norn Iron Sept. 7, 2006

The Northern Ireland feeling rumbles on. Keep having to catch glimpses of Healy’s third and winning goal : the chip over the hapless Spanish goalie far from home, into the net and the lap of Caroline just waiting to burst into song.

Friday feeling Sept. 8, 2006

All afternoon I looked forward to this evening. Preparing a feast in the garden, this sweet September. Then no one showed up. Apparently they thought I had cancelled ! In consolation I watch the moon rising (which we might have done anyway). Listen to the owls… and the badgers, or badger, in the undergrowth.

Hitching Sept. 9, 2006

Back to hitch-hiking. Remember : the plot is not just to get a lift in the quickest time from A to B, but to slow things down, observe, meet people. Feel one with all around. I remember when I first hitch-hiked in quantity, more than 20 years ago, lorry-drivers, soldiers, just about everyone and anyone at the wheel, even abroad, invariably used ‘football’ as a talking-point and a marker as to where they were really from.

I heard stories. Grass roots stories. About real football love affairs. Years on I began mine like never before : I began The Homes of Football.

Now, though older, and perhaps not a student anymore, and probably shouldn’t really be doing such things, I feel that this approach is again valid, particularly for the Cumbria Surrounded project. Take today : I had a lift from along the road at Ullswater by two guys taking place in tomorrow’s triathlon, The Helvellyn Round. It involves 500 people, starting with a swim in the Lake, a cycle around Helvellyn, then a run up and down it. Finishing where they started, by the water. Now I knew nothing of this event, albeit on my doorstep.

The next lift was from a gentleman who stopped on the busy A66 dual carriageway. He was returning (to Nottingham) from an Old Boys reunion at St.Bees on the Cumbrian West coast, where he was a boarder just after the last War (the World War). He told me about the school, that it was now co-ed (girls as well as boys) and that they played an annual fixture against a school on the Isle of Man, from across the water.

The third lift was from a young (everybody is beginning to look young to me) doctor based at Carlisle (who wants to relocate to Darlington). He was off driving away from the Lakes to fetch his wife to take her back to a campsite on Ullswater given the splendid weather.

The fourth and final lift (of the day) was from a self-professed ‘fairy’ from Workington, going up to Gretna (where I too was bound) to have a look at that old anvil and generally join in weddings and be given the chance to wear that old posh frock (her not me). And quite beautiful it was. As was she, (something of a Joni Mitchell from the Hejira period).

Hitched Sept. 10, 2006

The weather is beautiful throughout England. All those married yesterday at Gretna (about 20 couples and this is not the Moonies) should wake up happy – that they did the right thing. Cold wind and rain and they might be thinking otherwise!

The hills are alive Sept. 12, 2006

We are on the lookout for our own Maria – aka sound of music – someone to illuminate our wonderful gallery at ambleside.

The Posh Sept. 13, 2006

We have had Peterborough posh fans in the gallery complaining, amidst all the beauty here, that the Big Ron programme on tv paints an ugly picture of all things Peterborough United.

The Scots Sept. 14, 2006

I have been asked to help change the face of Scottish football. I accept.

Blue Brazil Sept. 15, 2006

I recall having supper with Gordon Brown. He had a golden smile. I was invited to go and sit next to him as I knew so much about Scottish football, having breathed it. We were at the reopening of the home of the blue Brazil, Cowdenbeath FC.

Holiday prep Sept. 16, 2006

The decision as to what to do on holiday each day is taken democratically. By secret ballot. The list of proposed activities, is split into two : daytime and evening.
1. Bike ride and pub
2. Tea and cakes at Auntie Pat & Alan’s
3. Portsmouth and Spinnaker Tower.
4. Trash the Shopper bicycle.
5. Build a treehouse (in the Wildwoods)
6. West Wittering (“best beach” in Britain)
7. Fontwell horse-racing
8. Play football in the park
9. Trip west (Dorset direction)
10. Trip east (East Sussex direction)
11. Isle of Wight and Freshwater Bay
12. Goodwood Hills walk
13. Lawn bowls

1. Cinema (“The Queen”)
2. Quiz at the Fisherman’s Joy, Tuesday.
3. Invite ourselves to Auntie Pat and Al’s for meal
4. Family fun.
5. Evening at pub / pub crawl / photograph crawl
6. Campsite bumper cars and cabaret
7. Board games
8. Ten-pin bowling at Chichester
9. Seal Hotel pub quiz Wednesday

… listed by order of popularity. The timetable can now be assembled. And adhered to. A few activities are taken as read : swimming in the sea; lying on the beach; watching a bit of tv; pontificating over what the weather is going to do; arguing particularly over the truth of what the papers say (well one paper really); TAKING PHOTOGRAPHS!

Selsey Bill Sept. 16, 2006

Last weekend I was in Gretna Green photographing “Mary versus a big wedding night out”. This weekend I am in Sussex West for “the adventures of Selsey Bill on the manhood peninsula”. Photos to follow.

Selsey 4 Oakwood 0 Sept. 17, 2006

Football has again enriched my life. Selsey’s 4–0 win over Oakwood, including Tom’s hat-trick. Uncle Alan with us in the crowd. In fact, we were the crowd. In the Premiership some memorable moments I’ll write down before I forget them and, muddled, in an old person’s home, fret and wonder when it was they happened way back when. Well it was this weekend… Portsmouth cut through Charlton like butter to go top. Watford climbed off the bottom inspired by Malkie McKay’s Premiership debut performance aged 34; The Hornets drew with Aston Villa, by buzzing constantly and by-passing Martin O’Neill’s superior midfield. Didier Drogba (from the Ivory Coast) settled Chelsea’s contest with Liverpool, scoring the goal of the season. Arsenal won away at Manchester United by out-passing them. A tactic which works less well against worst teams.

Becks Sept. 18, 2006

David Beckham shows his humanity and humour, interviewed on Radio One. Says he would like to play for England again. Despite being dropped, never expected to return. Says his wife buys him little things in the midst of huge shopping-binges.

Seals on the beach Sept. 19, 2006

The Spinnaker was crap : not tall enough. On the other hand, West Wittering beach is brill, with 13 seals living in the harbour. I see one wrestling with a big fish.

Long global warmed summer Sept. 20, 2006

This global warming is fantastic : warm waters and endless summer!

Day at the races Sept. 21, 2006

The horse-racing at Fontwell is a hoot. In the last race, a horse with its rider chucked on the first, having galloped on with the others awhile, turns and threatens to meet them all coming up the finishing straight.

Asbo's Sept. 22, 2006

The Chichester Observer carries a feature : Writer disputes leaflet’s claims about badly-behaved youngsters, going on to say : An anonymous leaflet condemning anti-social behaviour by some young people at Arundel Park, Chichester, and calling for action over it has been condemned by one angry resident as ‘smacking of vigilantism’. Dr Mike Lawrence strongly disputes claims made, and suggested some ‘curtain twitcher’ was resolving internal problems. “It seems to have been compiled from horror stories in the Daily Mail” and he did not recognise Arundel Park from it. “It is anonymous and therefore illegal.” “The leaflet was probably written by a man, a person whose life had disappointed him. He probably never achieved the goals in education or in his career which he felt he should have done.”

Welcome to Milton Keynes Sept. 23, 2006

Unbeknown to me, swimming happily in the English Channel, there have been deaths back home in Ullswater. Not sure how. Probably cold water on a hot day presented to poor swimmers. Sad.

Get to meet Pete Winkleman, owner of MK Dons, to propose a return for me to the exhibitions circuit, with a major show in Milton Keynes next year (it’s 40th).